As someone who has counselled with women, I have noticed how some men use sex videos to abuse their female partners.
It’s a new form of violence. A new method found by these decrepit souls who never tire of thinking up new says of torturing others.
When a woman wises up to a man’s abuse and threatens to leave, he will threaten to release their sex video in order to shame her into staying. If she leaves, he indeed releases the video. Some men just release them for the glorification of their juvenile egos, all the while professing love for their partner. Others share the video with their friends without the woman’s permission. Then, of course, these dear “friends” may get hold of the videos and release it for money or kicks.
I know any sane person would be totally grossed out by this, but remember we are talking about the machos here. It’s sick. Totally.
As a counselor I never blame women who end up in this situation. Sex is very much a part of deep love for many people. And taking a video, watching a film together, reading raunchy novels – all this can be part of a healthy sex life between two mutually-respecting and equal partners.
From my counselling I know that even the smartest and most moral woman can fall in love with these abusive men. Sometimes there are no danger signs. Often these guys behave decently until you’re in love and they have won your trust. Then they stop being decent towards you.
Brothel
You can imagine my revulsion when the men of Malacañang and the leaders of the House of Representatives were talking about showing an alleged sex video of Senator Leila de Lima in order to prove President Duterte’s accusation that the Senator had an affair with her driver who became her bagman for the drug money he alleges she received.
Any 10-year old might tell you that the sex tape has nothing to do with proving that her driver is her bagman, or even that she is receiving drug money. (The President in fact keeps harping on this affair. He seems really upset at the thought that someone he deems an enemy should be having sexual relations. But that is another sicko move I would rather not delve into.)
Personally I find the nature of the evidence so far presented laughable. Which is probably why they are now resorting to this video.
But I leave the discussion of other aspects of the reprehensible legal persecution of De Lima to another day.
What sickened me was the abusive behavior of a group of men who ganged up on one woman. They used my taxes and the power our people gave to them as our representatives to do this. And the group nature of this abuse, done at the highest levels of government, makes it all the more tawdry.
As a friend says, imagine how this tape even came into the hands of the government. Perhaps the President summons Justice Secretary Aguirre to bring over the head of the National Bureau of Investigation to Malacañang and orders them to watch sex videos until they find that one. Perhaps the NBI agents scoured the internet and having found that one (or several) brought it back with the Secretary of Justice to Malacañang for the President’s perusal. And they watched it all together.
Perhaps they had a second viewing with Speaker Alvarez, Representative Lito Atienza and Representative Danny Suarez.
If President Duterte’s and Representatives Suarez's and Atienza’s remarks to the press about it are any indication they had the typical beer garden type viewing party, with cat calls and insults and who-knows-what other kinds of literal or figurative jerk offs. And, it would seem that Representatives Umali and Fariñas are wondering whether they should have a grand sceening where they all come together.
We are sure that Representative Harry Roque is interested too. Wanting to do a “forensic examination” of the video. Woohoo for you, Harry my boy!
Yes, my dear readers. These are our current national leaders. Incontinent old men who never entered the new millenium and who are turning our country into a brothel. They certainly have done so with Malacañang, the House of Representatives and the Department of Justice.
Sicko sexuality
I know why these sex videos are used against women. In macho culture, to be exposed as a woman having sex brings shame upon you while to be exposed as a man having sex is a matter to be bragged about. I do not know how these men can forget that they came from their mother having sexual relations.
In our country, men who call themselves the lovers of women (as evidenced by their many affairs and many wives, in other words most typical trapos) are really ones who hate women. These are the ones who see us only as sexual beings. Who feel they can say things about women on the basis of how they view us sexually. Who care only about us if we pleasure them sexually. Who can see us as exchangeable once they tire of us or see something higher up on their scale of desirable objects. If they truly loved us they would see ALL women as people and not judge most of us in this one-sided and often demeaning way.
As someone said, patriarchy is really a homoerotic relationship among men carried out through women. Who has the prettiest one, who has the youngest one, the most subservient one. Who was unable to protect the women they “own” (mothers, sisters, wives) from the depredations of other men. No wonder the worst cuss words among these sexual egoists are depreciations of “other men’s women”: your mother’s a whore, your sister is a slut, I bedded your wife, etc.
#Everywoman
I was am sickened by this display of muck at the highest levels of government. And I feel very strongly that this muck is not just being thrown at Senator De Lima but at all women.
So past midnight last Friday, September 30, 2016, I asked in a chat group of a few women, whether we could start a campaign of self incrimination to express our solidarity with Senator De Lima and all women victimized by sexual shaming. As I have tried to explain, such a mentality really victimizes all women. I had formulated it this way: “I wish to testify at the HOR. I am the woman in the sex video #Everywoman.” In this way we would not shame whoever was in that video or any woman seen in sexual displays. I should say here I don’t think poorly of the women in the brothels, whether these be the ones in Malacañang and Congress or otherwise.
Within hours we had mobilized more women. And when we simultaneously wrote that as our status, it took off and began to trend within minutes. Then it began climbing the ranks of trending topics through the rest of the afternoon and early evening. It also garnered media attention.
For a brief moment, social media was about women protecting other women from the misogyny and trolling we normally experience. It was about men who truly love and respect women as equal human beings.
Despite the congratulatory messages I received, it is my contention that this message isn’t mine at all. It is the message of many decent Filipinos. In the light of the prevailing violent machismo, that decency is heartening.
Not even the vaunted and well-oiled social media machine supporting the President could do a thing. It was quick, unanticipated and it hit a lode of anger felt by decent men and women.
The smart politicians should take note of what happened last Friday. As the originator of the idea and one of the originators of the campaign, I can assure them this was not a paid operation. I met Sen. De Lima for the first time last Saturday, a day after the campaign, because a friend asked me to join a meeting with her. But then, you politicians already know that, don’t you? Unless you are both immoral and dumb. You know that the success of this hashtag campaign is because it is supported by ordinary people. Not by any ad agency, PR agency or yellow army. Your followers may still be naive enough to believe that, but you know very well what is true.
I believe you went too far, and in so doing, have served yourselves poorly.
So let’s engage in a little bravado here. It seems to be what you machos understand. You demean women at your peril. You have been warned.
Get your heads out of the middle ages. It’s 2016, for goodness sake. – Rappler.com